Originally published by Robert Kraft.
Divorce isn’t easy for anyone to handle. It can get messy, involve complicated battles over custody or property and impact not only parents but children as well. The impact of a divorce on children can often be overlooked during the chaos, but the scars and memories continue into adulthood. Follow these four tips to help you progress through the divorce process without creating an emotional war.
Don’t Make Children Deliver Messages
Avoid putting your children in the middle of a divorce. It is the parents’ job to negotiate adult matters. Asking them to deliver a message to their other parent puts them right into the middle and forces them to deal with issues they shouldn’t be involved in. Instead, use modern technology and text or e-mail your ex about concerns if you don’t want to speak to them. This also establishes a written record of the conversation if needed when consulting with professionals such as those at Hackworth Law about divorce-related negotiations.
Don’t Use Your Child as a Therapist
It might be easy to start venting about your ex to your children, but doing so pits them against your ex and is unfair. They might feel conflicted and feel differently than you, but don’t want to speak up out of fear. It is best to seek help from a professional therapist or save the venting for a night with your best friend.
Don’t Speak Negatively about the Other Parent
Making snide comments about your ex requires your child to give loyalty to one parent over the other and introduces conflict. It can be hard to remain neutral and keep your emotions under control, but containing yourself will not only help you, but also make the transition to the new lifestyle easier for your children to adjust to. Instead, ask questions about what they did while with the other parent and remain interested. Avoid ignoring the issue or giving your children the third-degree when they come back.
Repair Damages
You might be reading this after you’ve already done a couple things you regret. It’s never too late to apologize and explain to your children what was or is going on. Apologize to them and explain why you did what you did and how you’re going to change your actions in the future.
Acclimating to a new lifestyle after a divorce is hard, especially for children. Keep your head on straight and think before acting to make the transition as smooth as possible. You’ll need some stability during all the madness you have to deal with.
Author information: Kare Masterson is a freelance writer from West Jordan, Utah. She graduated from the University of Utah and enjoys writing and spending time with her dog, Max. You can find Kara on Facebook and Twitter.
Curated by Texas Bar Today. Follow us on Twitter @texasbartoday.
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